DataGrange Motorsport

Now that both Formula 1 and IndyCar are both turning wheels in anger, we here at DataGrange Motorsport can once again revisit our favorite pastime … awarding the Big Spanky for the week’s racing blunders and boners. Please stay tuned all season … and remember, kids, … it’s all in fun.

Big Spanky #1 for Red Bull Racing

Who Dropped the Wrench on the Exhaust Header at RBR?

The F1 racing world now glows neon amidst the glories of Fernando Alonso’s fabulous debut victory for the Scuderia at Bahrain, yet most fans who watched the race in the small hours clearly witnessed the significant power advantage Vettel’s Renault airpump enjoyed over the Ferrari motors. Many minds in racing fandom expressed disappointment when Vettel’s broken exhaust header denied the young Teuton a sure handed victory, yet those same emotions devolved into shock after we heard race commentary suggesting that RBR implemented a new exhaust header design on its cars just days before travel to the island kingdom AND WITHOUT ANY TESTING ON THE SAME.  Are you kidding us?  Why stop there? Are we sure the failure wasn’t simply the case of a pair of missing pantyhose stuffed up the header as a hiding place? Vettel has the makings of a true F1WC … can RBR at least hand the youngster a break and do something about their release version management? A classic instance of team management not reining in the technorati at the moment of truth.

Big Spanky #2 for Ryan Briscoe

I Thought I Was Pushing the Brake Pedal ...

RBR’s hyper-tinkering to the demise of Vettel at Bahrain considerably fades when compared to the sheer botchery executed by star-crossed Penske ace Ryan Briscoe down at the Sambadrome in Sao Paolo. We here at DGMS are a bit tough on Briscoe given his titanic pit exit blunder at Motegi last season, thus gifting the IndyCar trophy to Ganassi … and Briscoe does nothing to salvage his reputation after another inexplicable miscue in Brazil. With only twelve minutes remaining in the race and under heckling from highly skilled yet still unproven Ryan Hunter-Reay, Briscoe should have easily withstood the pressure and blocked his way to victory on the narrow Sao Paolo circuit. We hate to admit it, but Briscoe again showed his true form by utterly blowing the braking mark on a tight right hander, thus sliding straightaway into the facing tire wall and deeper into racing ignominy. Briscoe cracked under the strain, just as he did at Motegi, and he cracked with the unbloodied RHR nipping at his heels. Will Power salvaged the day for Penske, yet brows must be raised over Briscoe’s questionable performance.

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Ryan Briscoe (6) Steals Another Nosecone Victory On the Ovals.

With ten laps remaining, race leader Scott Dixon (9 Target Ganassi Honda) catches an unexpected battle from Ryan Briscoe (6 Penske Honda), who overcomes a series of pit troubles to claw his way back into contention.  Both cars furiously battle side by side during the closing stages until the final lap, when Briscoe fortuitously catches a draft push from Mario Moraes (5) along the backstretch to slightly nose his way into the lead.  Dixon pulls back alongside on an inside line in Turn 3, yet Briscoe’s in-pocket boost assist and strong run down the banking off the Turn 4 exit gives him just enough momentum to egde out Dixon by a nose cone for the dramatic victory.  Briscoe’s margin of victory stands at .008 seconds, among the narrowest finishes in IndyCar history.

Ed Carpenter's (20) Wondrous Charge For Victory Comes Up One Boost Assist Short.

IndyCar, desperate to improve sagging television ratings, race attendance, and its plummeting global brand, introduces driver-invoked engine boost assist to the cars in order to enliven the show. The experiment provides some thrilling side by side racing among the competitors, and actually lifts typical midpacker Ed Carpenter (20 Vision Racing Honda) into the lead pack.  Carpenter and Ryan Briscoe (6 Penske Honda) battle in close quarters throughout the closing stages, and on the final lap, Carpenter utilizes his final boost assist to edge past Briscoe into Turn 3.  Briscoe stays high throughout the turn, then deftly deploys the banking and his final boost assist in the final meters to pull off a thrilling nose cone-length victory over Carpenter.  The winning margin stands at a mere .0162 thousandths of a second.