DataGrange Motorsport

Now that both Formula 1 and IndyCar are both turning wheels in anger, we here at DataGrange Motorsport can once again revisit our favorite pastime … awarding the Big Spanky for the week’s racing blunders and boners. Please stay tuned all season … and remember, kids, … it’s all in fun.

Big Spanky #1 for Red Bull Racing

Who Dropped the Wrench on the Exhaust Header at RBR?

The F1 racing world now glows neon amidst the glories of Fernando Alonso’s fabulous debut victory for the Scuderia at Bahrain, yet most fans who watched the race in the small hours clearly witnessed the significant power advantage Vettel’s Renault airpump enjoyed over the Ferrari motors. Many minds in racing fandom expressed disappointment when Vettel’s broken exhaust header denied the young Teuton a sure handed victory, yet those same emotions devolved into shock after we heard race commentary suggesting that RBR implemented a new exhaust header design on its cars just days before travel to the island kingdom AND WITHOUT ANY TESTING ON THE SAME.  Are you kidding us?  Why stop there? Are we sure the failure wasn’t simply the case of a pair of missing pantyhose stuffed up the header as a hiding place? Vettel has the makings of a true F1WC … can RBR at least hand the youngster a break and do something about their release version management? A classic instance of team management not reining in the technorati at the moment of truth.

Big Spanky #2 for Ryan Briscoe

I Thought I Was Pushing the Brake Pedal ...

RBR’s hyper-tinkering to the demise of Vettel at Bahrain considerably fades when compared to the sheer botchery executed by star-crossed Penske ace Ryan Briscoe down at the Sambadrome in Sao Paolo. We here at DGMS are a bit tough on Briscoe given his titanic pit exit blunder at Motegi last season, thus gifting the IndyCar trophy to Ganassi … and Briscoe does nothing to salvage his reputation after another inexplicable miscue in Brazil. With only twelve minutes remaining in the race and under heckling from highly skilled yet still unproven Ryan Hunter-Reay, Briscoe should have easily withstood the pressure and blocked his way to victory on the narrow Sao Paolo circuit. We hate to admit it, but Briscoe again showed his true form by utterly blowing the braking mark on a tight right hander, thus sliding straightaway into the facing tire wall and deeper into racing ignominy. Briscoe cracked under the strain, just as he did at Motegi, and he cracked with the unbloodied RHR nipping at his heels. Will Power salvaged the day for Penske, yet brows must be raised over Briscoe’s questionable performance.

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Aussie Mark Webber Finally Breaks His Duck at the Nurburgring.

Red Bull’s Mark Webber (14 Red Bull Renault) raises brows at the lights with a futile chop move across the bow of Brawn competitor Rubens Barrichello (22) that not only fails in its purpose, yet also earns him an agonizing drive-through penalty from the stewards.  Red Bull, excited about its sudden improvement in form and convinced of its flat out speed relative to Brawn, astutely brings Webber in on Lap 49 and switches its driver to a two-stop fuel strategy that allows him to run light through the mid-race. The brilliant gambit pays enormous dividends when on-track Webber powers past the parked Brawns during pit service, and in a stirring tale that reminds observers of F1 Yesteryear, the Aussie overcomes his penalty and rushes away unmolested to his maiden career victory.  Webber audaciously celebrates his stunning coup over both the field and the stewards, while Brawn GP, wondering if the charm has slipped off the bracelet, begins counting future championship points as the footsteps over its shoulder become louder.

Red Bull and Teuton Sebastian Vettel Rudely Ruin Brawn GP's Homecoming Fete.

Formula 1 always offers its enthusiasts the unexpected, and Silverstone serves as the dish for the 2009 season. Most observers laud Brawn GP and its controversial diffuser as the most brilliant engineering coup in years while Britons gleefully await the return of its own William (Button) after a stunning global campaign that earns the conqueror six of seven circuit trophies. Just as Brawn triumphantly wades through its deep tide of press clippings, Red Bull brazenly unfurls an ambush of its own at Silverstone with wunderkind Sebastian Vettel (15 Red Bull Renault).  Vettel easily seizes the pole, crushes the field with a blitzkrieg-like wire-to-wire victory, and along the way shatters the seemingly impermeable veneer that surrounds Brawn engineering.  The Brawn entries prove no match for Red Bull speed despite their lighter fuel loads, and non-British observers allow themselves a small grin as a sudden new contender pushes its way onto the stage.